thinking again and wandering should I move

So, I haven't blogged in a while , I try not to blog about my problems cause they are my problems. so today I am just going to blog about what I am thinking.

The economy sucks , and I don't think it is going to get better to soon maybe down the road, but who can wait that long.

I have a big family at least to my family and friends and compared to them it is a big family. I have me, my husband and four girls not including the one on the way which makes it five girls. we have a small house that we are going to outgrow and not enough money to make ends meet. so I looked at my husband and said what are we going to do , how are we going to make things better for our family.

First things first I have a big heart , and forgive very easily and let things slide that I shouldn't. I get that from my dad. I work at a assisted living place for senior citizens, I also baby sit my brothers kids full time. the problem with this is I let things slide I have found myself putting my family aside to take care of two extra kids that don't even belong to me. I am a cheap babysitter at least for him. I should be paid more , but my brother claims he cannot afford more. so getting to my point I have realized that I need to start worrying about me and my own and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks or is doing. I also need to stop taking care of everyone else but me and my own.I always put me and my own last and that should not be happening.

so when I told my husband , I had been thinking about moving to a new state to find a better job for my husband and myself. my husband is a machinist at Greenlee Textron , and lately the hours have been slow and we are getting worried , well at least I am , I am not sure about him. I have an Associates degree for paralegal and cannot use it out here in illinois because I have no experience. I went to college ten years after I graduated from high school , and from the time I graduated from high school til now I have only worked shit jobs to make ends meet cause my husband makes pretty good money. I never thought  had to get a job that was worth it til now.

so when I told him I wanted to move to my surprise he said where? and I told him there are four in mind , he said ok and which states are they? I told him either Texas, Kentucky, Arizona , or florida. all of which are warm states and hardly have a winter.so he told me to start researching jobs , schools , housing and prices, I said ok and began the hunt.

as I am hunting , I am coming across so many paralegal jobs , that would not be available to me in Illinois. In illinois experience is needed and that I have little of , but in texas they want one year or less , they are entry level jobs and its a chance to get my foot in the door.as far as jobs for my husband they are there and they also pay good money. this is in Texas so curious I checked the other three states I have mentioned and found a result but not as many as there are in Texas.so Keeping that in mind I leaned more towards Texas. So now as I have looked at jobs , I moved on to living and prices to buy or rent in a specific area where the jobs were located and have discovered how much lower the cost of living is in Texas.

now as I am looking I am questioning the pros and cons

Pros: I believe these are the good things

more money, cheeper living , and a fresh start

cons: my family and friends are here,

my kids have friends  , so now I have a big decision to make. any advice please feel free.

 

 

baby Amerasyn

I have finally gotten the pics up from the ultrasound , Eric and I had a hard time naming this baby because we have seen her face and that makes her difficult. I threw around a bunch of names from Adriana Leigh , Addison clark, Alyiana Noelle , and Amberlyn Elise but non of them fit not after I saw the pics. I then told everyone I was changing the name and Eric and I chose Amerasyn Elaine Walczak.

Now let me make this clear to everyone This is my child I am delivering her and I will name her what I want.

some of you like it and others don't and you don't have to like it but its no reason to be mean about it , saying its a bad name , cause I don't care.

The girls like it and my husband and I agreed on it even my mom likes it and thats is something.

so I just wanted to let you know that this is my child and I have picked the name that is my final answer.

just a little on bills work and money

Ok I know I haven't blogged in a while , but I am going to blog now. I am just in the mood I guess.  I have recently realized that no matter how hard you try to get caught up something goes wrong . Just when you think things will get better, either your car goes boom and you need to buy a new one , then shortly after that your husbands car decides it doesn't want to cooperate and it decides to act up.So then you have to check into getting him a new car because we have a new baby coming in about five months and his car will not fit all of them and unfortunately it is not reliable. So we check into that but because he has a trade that is not worth what he owes he has to stay with it unless he decides to get rid of it meaning giving it back then he gets sued for the balance.unless of course he pays the balance and then goes for the car, so now we are at the point where we  wander if I have to buy a new car how am I going to pay the rent and how are we going to get groceries. now I know that all these things are not happening to just  me there are other people that are struggling  and then there are some people who are not.  good for them. As far as we are concerned we may be broke and a little behind in our bills. So what do we do we stay cool and calm and do not get mad and take it out on our friends , or or family all we can do is live day by day and paycheck by pay check until we get caught up. Now I am not writing this to ask anyone for help or have anyone feel sorry for me cause we have been in a worse position before and have gotten through it and we will get through this. I have faith in my husband and in myself. I just write it on here to get it off of my chest.

No I will admit freely we are not where we would have wanted to be at this age , we had hoped we have a house , I would have a better job maybe in a lawyers office , or maybe a nurse but I have not gotten that far in my education and thats because I am not sure if I want to add another degree that is worthless and more student loans onto my already existing student loans that I cannot pay. so I settle for a shit job with shit pay and shit hours. I can say though I have a loving husband and some not so grateful kids but they will understand someday why they don't get the fancy things.

well thats all I have to say right now , I am sure I could say more but then I would be having a poor poor pitiful me blog and thats not what I am doing.

parenting

Am I being tested by my girls , where did I go wrong , what have I done, maybe I haven't done anything, but I sure feel tested.

Discipline , what is discipline....spanking your kids putting them in a time out honestly I don't know what to do anymore. discipline is almost obsalete, you spank your kids  then some nozy bitch whos kids are grown or who doesn't have kids of there own call dcfs and then you are in there files for years to come, because you are supposedly abusing your kids. I am sorry if I would have done what my girls did I would have gotten my ass whooped with a belt, my dad would not have hesitated.I think if a spanking does the trick then so be it , but then theres the .. almighty question what if someone saw.

heres the scoop... vandalizing the park , this is what my two older children decided to do yesterday.. why you ask and what.. lets just say they wrote bad words and bad names .. why is the question. this is where I question what I did I do wrong as a parent, did I not give them enough attention, I have four kids I have to divide the attention, I can't focus on one or two children and not the others. where did they learn those words, those names , was it me did I say something that triggered there reaction, or maybe they just saw that it was already vandalized and it was ok. I am always questioning my parenting. 

As a parent I have good patience , I have a cool go with the flo attitude, which probrabaly sometimes doesn't always work. Yet my husband doesn't take shit he doesn't stand for it , very authorative yet I still haven't learned from my mistakes. I yell at my kids it doesn't get through them , I spank them and they still don't get it. so this is where the question comes  what do you do if that doesn't work? ground them for a week , take away there tv , put the fear in there eyes by sending them to somebody that  maybe able to get through to them, and if that doesn't work then what. I am am kind of at a what do I do now point.

I thought I was a good parent , I may be but I am still messing up with them and I have to get better at discipline , and better at making decisions and following through. so if anyone has any advice please feel free to let me know.

bititng your words

Have you ever said you could do something and were so confident that you were the right person for the job and knew you were ... well thats not always true , I have a youngster who I watch , though I knew at the beginning she was a problem and hard to handle, even her dad will agree. I said I can watch her I can handle her... bleep I was wrong , don't get me wrong I will deal with her but she is difficult, I am finding that out. she has an Attention problem most of the world knows it as Add or adhd, which is a very difficult disorder to work with , trust me I know I have a daughter who has add or adhd and she is not easy, now I am not one for medicine and I don't believe  a teacher or child care provider should just say put them on meds and they will be better , I as well as my brother , believe there are other ways. I was in denial when they first told me my daughter had adhd and I should medicate her so she is easier to handle. I through a temper tantrum and said she is just a kid it is her age. it only took me about a year to realize I had to do something. I was told when she was in first grade she had it and I didn't believe it. so I ignored it then the same behavior followed in second and third grade. it was about half-way through her second grade year and I put her on meds, first it was straterra , then that made her groggy and sleepy , then  a year later it was adderol which made her even more hyper , nothing was working. what was I to do the only thing left I had to choose from was the dreaded ritalin, ritalin scares me , it scares my brother, he should know he was on it. anyways my point is I have had it with trying to get this girl to listen to me and focus she cant even sit still for more than ten minutes without getting in to trouble. so I mentioned it to my brother and went of the deep end and begun yelling at me I am not putting her on meds and of course me who does not like confrontation, told him okay then you will find out when she gets into school how difficult she is. so getting to my point I have bit my words when I said I could take care of her , cause I am having a hell of a time , so if anyone has any ideas on how to control an out of control child please let me know.

a dilemma once again I need advice

I have a 9 year old daughter , who says she wants me to sign her up for sports , softball , dance etc.. so I sign her up she gets hit or falls and she wants to quit.

So my question is how do you stop a child from quitting something that I know she enjoys.

I know this because she played it when she was in second grade , but the coach pitched.  she is older now ands in fourth grade and a softbll player pitches. She got hit by the ball at her first attempt and now wants to quit because she is afraid.

I know she likes the game and I know she can hit the ball so how do I get her to not be afraid of the ball. and how do I get her back in the batters box.

Its not only the whole afraid thing I paid forty bucks for her to play they have ordered jerseys and  now its just money down the drain , unless I can fix it.

Now I know as a parent I should not force her to play , if she doesn't want to , but thats money I can't get back and thats just her becoming a quitter. I am not sure what to do , so if anyone has any advice please let me know.

stay at home mom vs. working mom what should I do

Ok as you all know my husband and I just moved into a house , which is great. I just recently became a stay at home mom , which is great as well. I can’t help but think that I may have made a bad choice ,as in being a stay at home mom. Let me tell you why. I could be overreacting as well.

I quit my job cause they made me promises and didn’t keep them. I became a stay at home mom , on the notion that my husband would continue to get overtime, now don’t get me wrong he makes pretty good money, but it seems that everytime we try and make things better and try to save money, by cutting back gas amounts and daycare, his hours get cut to 40 , which is normal , but when you count on overtime money to make ends meet you kind of think , oh god we are screwed.

this where I need advice , hence the title of my blog.

I have four children, girls .. great I love my girls but daycare is outrageous, and noone will hire me to work around the hours I need, in order for me to get my children to school, and get them home. now I am also going to say it is very hard to get a job in this world , unless you are willing to drive the distance or plan on moving to another state, which will not happen. I have a Associates degree in (applied science) Paralegal and it is basically worthless, unless you have experience.

I graduated from high school , got married had kids and worked in gas stations and grocery stores  and factories to make ends meet , so needless to say I donnot have experience, its kind of like credit , you  have to have it to get it and you have to get to have it, so how do you get it if noone will give it to you. I have always wondered that.

So I am sitting here thinking we are not going to make it with just his income, Yeah and all of you say learn how to budget , but sometimes things happen that are beyond your control and you lose track of the budget. with four kids its very unpredictable.

So as I am thinking to myself , I am wandering, should I go and get a job, and is it worth it to pay daycare, for gas and anything else that costs extra. This is where the debate comes in.

Stay at home mom: (pros) No daycare to pay, no gas to pay, children have there mommy to help them, get through there life, to help them with homework and anything else they need help with. I don’t have to have a specific schedule , and I don’t need to wear a uniform or a name tag.

(cons) No extra money, a chance of getting behind on bills, no social time.

Working mom; (pros) extra money to have a safety net, some social time, benefits and a pay check, bills caught up , no worries. (cons) no time  with my kids or my husband, a daycare bill, more money to spend on gas. snow in the winter time and even more money in the summer, cause then I will have to pay for four kids in daycare, to top it all of we make to much money to get any help from 4cs and food stamps.

So I guess I am just kind of stuck between a rock and a hard spot, do I stay home and survive shitcreek every week, or do I get a job and help my husband with the bill money and the support of four children, I am just going to add (girls).

so if any of you have any advice , please write me back and let me know what I could do.